the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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