I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
