I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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