actually, I'm a sock model
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize