Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
