If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
