ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
