u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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