i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
