Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
