There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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