My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
