I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
