I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
