No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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