i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Its about making memories worth repressing
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
