Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
