a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
