Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
