I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
