the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
