Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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