Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
