I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
