my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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