Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
