Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
