respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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