in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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