I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
