I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
