3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
