I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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