Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
