I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
