i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
