he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
