Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
