Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
