I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
