Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
