so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
