this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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