Your dad touched me again.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
