We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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