my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there's paper in my vomit.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
