I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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