i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
