do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
