I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
